High IQ and relationships: the delicate balance between authenticity and discretion.

I’ve always sensed, even before taking any specific tests, that my IQ was somewhat above average, but I’ve never boasted about it. Not out of false modesty, but because of a realization that has developed over time: openly displaying this trait too much can trigger unwanted reactions, from envy to discomfort, and even a kind of irony that often conceals less noble sentiments. After years of experiences in both professional and personal settings, I’ve learned to handle this aspect of myself with a certain caution, and I believe sharing these reflections could be helpful for those who, like me, find themselves navigating between the desire to be authentic and the need to build harmonious relationships.

In the professional realm, having high intelligence is a powerful tool. We all know it; we’ve all experienced it. It allows us to analyze complex problems quickly, identify innovative solutions, and anticipate scenarios that others might not see. However, I learned early on (sometimes the hard way) that this gift can become an obstacle in relational dynamics. An idea expressed with too much confidence or a solution found with excessive speed can evoke feelings of inadequacy or even competition among colleagues.

To avoid these tensions, I’ve adopted a more measured approach. It’s not about hiding my abilities but presenting them in a way that doesn’t come across as intimidating. For instance, when I happen to find a solution to a problem before others, I prefer to propose it in a collaborative tone, as if it were the result of collective effort. This small adjustment helps value everyone’s contribution and prevents my quickness from being perceived as a desire to stand out.

Another aspect I often face is irony. It’s not uncommon for an offhand comment or a quip about the “office genius” to surface during a conversation. I’ve learned to respond lightly, without letting it affect me emotionally. Yet, deep down, I know these reactions aren’t always innocent: they reflect a difficulty, for some, in accepting that someone might think or act differently.

Outside of work, the dynamics certainly don’t get any simpler! In personal relationships, whether friendships or romantic connections, high intelligence can create both deep connections and misunderstandings. On one hand, it allows us to understand people and situations with a clarity that enriches relationships; on the other, it can create distance, especially when others sense that we see “beyond” what they’re willing to reveal.

Being a person with a high IQ, therefore, doesn’t mean having to live in the shadows or diminish oneself. On the contrary, it means finding a balance between the true expression of who we are and sensitivity toward those around us!

Alessio Cassinelli-Lavezzo